so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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