the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
