I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
