she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
