1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
