I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
