im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
