While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
