I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Let's paint friendship bongs
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
