we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
May the power of my ass compel you!!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
