you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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