my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
