all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
