That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
