Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
