I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
