When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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