Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
