When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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