By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
