There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
