Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
