His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
