the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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