That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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