I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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