A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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