the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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