): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
