dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
