yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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