An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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