okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
