Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
