just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
