Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
