She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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