The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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