Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
