She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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