yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
