So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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