im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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