wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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