forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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