somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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