and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
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I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
