I can tuck mytits in my pants
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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