I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
