I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
