Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
