Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
